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Blended Family Holiday Season: How to Maintain Your Sanity

By Blended For Life
November 12, 2021

Forget the most wonderful time of the year; in a blended family, the holiday season can be the most challenging time of the year! Whatever holiday you celebrate, if you have to negotiate shared custody these events can be full of emotion. There are some commonly faced issues, and we’ve got tips on how to navigate them.

Blended Family Holiday Tips:

Which parent are the kids spending the holiday with?
If you share custody with your ex-partner, you’ll want to have this conversation early! Open with your suggestion, but make it clear you understand that your ex also wants to spend time with the children. Some families opt for alternating who gets the kids each year; this is probably the most practical solution if you don’t live close to each other. If you do live in the same area, you may be able to split their time over the day/s.
You can’t please everyone, so don’t try
It can be tricky to organize holiday logistics at the best of times, but with a blended family, you may have twice as many stakeholders! Your parents may put pressure on you to bring the kids to family celebrations, even though it’s your ex’s turn to have them. Maybe you have bio kids and stepkids and they have to separate for the holidays even though they’d rather be together. If you try to please everyone, you’ll likely spend your time caught up in logistics (and still everyone won’t be happy). Prioritize what you need to, and try to ignore everything else.
Don’t communicate through your children
Telling your ex your plans for Christmas day might be the last thing you want to do, but relying on or forcing your kids to pass information to your ex isn’t fair on them. Keep it as brief as you need to, but make sure you and your ex communicate directly about any logistics.
Acknowledge the stress of blended family holiday celebrations
Your kids might be more anxious than they’re letting on, so it’s important to let them know you understand that holiday time can be stressful. They might be worried about missing the parent they’re not spending time with or stressed about having to move around to different houses and families during holiday celebrations. Letting them know that it’s ok to feel stressed and that they can talk to you will help.
Respect everyone’s traditions
Not everyone celebrates in the same way; perhaps you and your kids had a certain holiday routine, but your partner and their kids did things differently. Try to incorporate both traditions, or have a family chat to talk about how you can merge your traditions.
Compare notes on gifts
For holidays like Christmas where gift-giving is involved, it’s a good idea for you and your ex to go over your kids’ wishlists together. This way you can make sure you’re not doubling up and can discuss spending limits if necessary.
Remember why you celebrate
It can be easy to get caught up in trying to make things perfect, trying to make sure everyone is happy, and the sheer logistics of it all. Christmas, Hannukah, Thanksgiving, Deepavali, Hari Raya… these holidays are harder to navigate as a blended family. But focus on why you celebrate, and what you want to pass on to your kids. Help your kids celebrate, even if it’s over FaceTime because it’s not your turn to have them.

Your blended family holiday season might be challenging, but there will be moments of joy in amongst the chaos. Don’t let the petty disagreements and tricky logistics weigh you down, find the happiness and lean into it!

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Blended Family Problems: When Your Blended Family Won’t Blend

By Blended For Life
November 5, 2021

blended family problems family white fence

Blended families are common but that doesn’t make them easy; so what do you do when your blended family problems seem insurmountable?! Despite all our hard work and good intentions, sometimes two families just don’t mix together well. If you find yourself in such a situation, it may feel a little scary and daunting. How can you make everybody get along and, well… blend together smoothly?

The good news is that this situation is not unusual or impossible to solve. If you know what red flags to look out for, you can identify what to work on in order to resolve the problems that are standing in the way of allowing your blended family to thrive. Here are some tips from parents who’ve been there…

Signs of blended family problems

The first step to improving your blended family problems is to identify if things aren’t blending well. Here are some signs to look out for:

When stepsiblings don’t get along
Sibling rivalry is standard in all families, but it can get especially problematic in blended families when brothers and sisters don’t have the bond of a lifelong relationship to help them set aside their differences.
When jealousy rears its head
There are many ways jealousy can manifest in a blended family. Maybe your children are jealous of your new partner, feeling that they are taking your attention away from them. Maybe there is jealousy between the stepsiblings. Heck, you may even feel jealous of the blood bond between your partner and their children that you don’t have with your stepkids.
When parenting styles don’t mix
There are so many different approaches to parenting and the one you have may not automatically go hand-in-hand with that of your partner. Your blended family may experience some hiccups and confusion if your parenting styles are at odds.
When new behavioural problems appear
If your children suddenly show signs of behavioral problems like defiance or aggression that weren’t there before, it may be related to the growing pains of a blended family.
When there is an obvious split in the household
The goal of a blended family is to blend. If you find that everybody keeps to “their” side of the family, it’s most likely an issue.

Red flags for blended families

All of the problems listed above are on the general side, so here are some specific examples of red flag scenarios that may point to a need to work on the “blending” part of your blended family.

Your stepchildren don’t listen to you or respect your authority, or the same is the case for your biological children and their stepparent.
Family gatherings and meals are tense and uncomfortable.
Stepsiblings don’t speak to one another.
Siblings gang up on and exclude their step-sibling(s).
You and your partner can’t agree on rules for the household.
Your step-children only ask their biological parent for permission and help and don’t come to you – or vice versa with your partner.
Your blended family has a hard time agreeing upon things such as what activity to do, what places to go to, and so on.

Naturally, there are many more red flags that can be cause for concern, but these examples should help you get a sense of what to watch out for.

Resolving Blended Family Problems

If you’re reading this and finding yourself nodding along to some of the problems and red flags listed above, you don’t have to panic. Your blended family may not be in its ideal place right now, but there are solutions to every problem. Here are some steps you can take to address the issues you may have mixing your families.

Show a united front

Children will follow their parent’s example and if you and your partner aren’t completely unified, chances are the kids will also feel comfortable acting like they’re not a solid family unit. Make sure that you and your partner put in the effort to stay consistent and act together. Don’t contradict each other’s rules or negate each other’s parenting styles. It may take a lot of long, even difficult, conversations to get on the same page about the rules and standards you want to put in place for your household. This is an effort that is not only worth making but is absolutely critical to make in order to allow your blended family to truly blend.

Respect the old

Transitioning to a blended family can be threatening for children who may fear the loss of a previous lifestyle that they were attached to. Your kids might miss how things used to be, leading to a rejection of the new. Make sure that you don’t try to pretend the past never happened. Respect the traditions that you had before. Sure, some things will have to change, but that doesn’t have to mean letting go of everything your kids loved about your family’s previous iteration. Letting them hold on to some traditions can be a great comfort.

Build the new

That being said, building new family traditions can be incredibly exciting! Finding common ground between what both sides of the family like can be a fun process that leads to exciting revelations. Maybe you’ll start doing taco night every Tuesday or playing soccer together on the weekends. The future is full of possibilities for your blended family, so why not enjoy the process of discovering what your new traditions and customs will be? Let your kids take an active part and even lead the way forward so they feel invested in and excited by their family’s future instead of alienated by it.

Take your time

Of course, change takes time. Getting used to the new isn’t easy for anybody, especially not kids who haven’t experienced too many major life changes. It’s okay if things take a while and there are some bumps in the road. Respect and validate your children’s feelings. Try to talk things out openly instead of sweeping them under the rug. You’re all in this together, and the process may be slow-going. That’s perfectly fine.

Ask for help

Sometimes family problems go beyond what you can handle on your own, and that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re at a loss and none of what you are trying seems to help, it’s a fantastic idea to reach out and seek professional help. Family counselors and therapists are trained to help you overcome difficult issues. Even just one or two meetings with a counselor might make you feel much better.

Alls well that ends well

It’s no secret that getting a blended family to cooperate and get along can be challenging. If that’s your experience, you aren’t alone. Many blended families experience problems like a lack of harmony or even jealousy, bullying, and defiance. But if you know what signs to look out for and approach your issues with patience, candor, and good intentions, you’ll be able to get through this.

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Are Stepgrandparents Important in Blended Families?

By Blended For Life
October 29, 2021

Being a child in a blended family can be tough enough at times, even before you add confusion over new relationships like stepgrandparents, step-aunts and uncles. It can be a lot for kids to handle, so if you’re introducing stepgrandparents, take it slowly and be patient. Here are some of the top questions people ask about stepgrandparenting and blended families…

Are stepgrandparents important in blended families?

There is no right answer here, it depends on your own family situation. If you’re close with your parents, or your partner is close to their parents, then there’s a good chance you’ll want them to form a relationship with their stepgrandchildren. It doesn’t mean that this is an essential relationship though, and it’s not worth forcing a closeness if your or your partner’s parents are not already part of your life. But if you have a good relationship, grandparents can bring a wealth of experience, love, and richness to your children’s or stepchildren’s lives.

What are some good names for stepgrandparents?

One topic that comes up again and again with grandparents in all families, but especially blended ones, is the issue of what the grandchildren call their grandparents. It’s best not to force children to call their stepgrandparents anything in particular but let them do what feels right to them. Don’t worry if the children don’t end up calling their stepgrandparents the same thing as the biological children do. It’s important to let these things unfold naturally, but feel free to make suggestions if there’s something that appeals.

Name suggestions:

Classics: Nana, Grandma, Pop, Grandpa, Nonna, Nonno, etc
Classics with a twist: Grandma/Nana Mary, Grandpa/Pop Joe
Something more unusual: Grandmama, Grandpapa, Gigi, G-ma, G-pa
First names: If you’re comfortable, a variation on your first name

Is a stepgrandparent considered a relative?

Not for legal purposes, but it’s entirely up to you how you choose to prioritize the relationship. One of our favorite blended family quotes says, “Family is not defined by our genes, it is built and maintained through love.”

Tips for stepgrandparents

Be patient and take it slowly
Both stepgrandchildren and stepgrandparents may feel uncomfortable with the idea that there is pressure to find affection and closeness. It’s okay to be a little hesitant and apprehensive at first. After all, it can take years to develop the trust and acceptance that characterize the best family relationships, so take things as they come.
Don’t play favorites
It may feel more natural to be closer to biological family members, however, it is important for kids, parents, and grandparents in stepfamilies to make the effort to be as fair and equitable as possible. Children do notice and are affected when their stepsiblings are favored over them.
Don’t gang up
It’s important for the different “sides” of the family not to gang up and take sides against one another. It can be easy for the grandparents to back up their biological grandchildren over their stepgrandchildren or their child over their child’s partner. The grandparents might have a hard time letting go of their child’s ex-partner, always comparing the stepparent to the biological parent. These behaviors are unhelpful and will create plenty of resentment.
Show interest
Show interest in your stepgrandkids. While they may be shy toward you initially, it will mean a lot if you’re proactive about building a relationship. Babysit occasionally, join in events if you’re invited, and be supportive of the blended family dynamic.

Finally, have a grand old time

Let’s be honest, the stepgrandparent role in blended families is not an easy one but can be a very fun and rewarding one. Things can get complicated and messy in all family situations, let alone ones in which there are exes and steps and grands involved. So, it’s okay if things develop slowly, feel a bit unusual, or have their challenges. Have fun, where possible, or aim for things to be fun. Begin with grand intentions and generally grand things will happen.

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50 Blended Family Quotes That Will Make You Feel Seen

By Blended For Life
October 22, 2021

Whether you’re a stepparent growing to love your stepchildren, a child accepting a new parental figure, or a bio-parent welcoming a new partner into their family, your version of a blended family is unique and beautiful. Here are some of our favorite blended family quotes to honor this amazing (sometimes maddening) journey.

Read more: 10 TV Shows About Blended Families

Blended family quotes for every type of blended family…

1. Families don’t have to match. You don’t have to look like someone else to love them. Leigh Anne Tuohy
2. The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other. Richard Bach
3. The secret to blending families is… There is no secret. It’s scary and awesome and ragged and perfect and always changing. Love and laugh hard; try again tomorrow. Mir Kamin
4. Sometimes families are created in different ways but are still in every way a family. Unknown
5. You’re facing one of the most important challenges of your life. Yet, being a member of a blended family can be an exciting adventure for all concerned. Kathie M. Thompson
6. We aren’t “step”, we aren’t “half”, we’re just a family. Unknown
7. Family means putting your arms around each other and being there. Barbara Bush
8. The blended family isn’t just an ordinary family times two. It’s a special kind of family with special needs. Maxine Marsolin
9. Children can never have too many positive adult role models in their lives. Unknown
10. Co-parenting is not a competition. It’s a collaboration of two homes working together with the best interest of the child at heart. Work for your kids, not against them. Unknown
11. There is nothing so rewarding as bringing two families together and making it work. Unknown
12. Anything is possible when you have the right people to support you. Misty Copeland
13. Family is not defined by our genes, it is built and maintained through love. Unknown
14. The last names may not match, but the hearts certainly do. Unknown
15. Blended families: woven together by choice, strengthened together by love, tested by everything, and each uniquely ours. Unknown
16. Thank you for blessing me with a great family, not a perfect one, but a great one. Unknown
17. Blood makes you related; love makes you family. Unknown
18. We had grown into one another somewhere along the way. We were officially a team. Shannon A. Thompson
19. The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Richard Bach
20. Being happy in your family is more important than being perfect. Unknown
21. All families are different and unique, but they all have one thing in common—love. Unknown
22. Bringing two families together is never easy. But in the end, it’s more than worth it. Unknown
23. Blended families are beautiful. Every member has their own color, but it’s only when you bring them together that you can see the rainbow. Unknown
24. Every family has a story to tell—blended families just have more chapters. Unknown
25. Family isn’t defined only by last names or by blood; it’s defined by commitment and by love. Dave Willis
26. Sticking with your family is what makes it a family. Mitch Albom
27. Being part of a blended family means you’re part of something very wonderful. Unknown
28. No family is perfect… We argue, we fight. We even stop talking to each other at times. But in the end, your family is your family. The love will always be there. Unknown
29. It doesn’t matter how big or small your family is; it matters how much love you’re willing to put into it. Unknown
30. Bright families are just like bright colors: When you blend two, you get something beautiful! Unknown
31. There will always be steps you can take toward unity in your blended family. You will make—one step at a time! Donna Houpe
32. Blended families are a beautiful mix of diverse people who each serve an important role in our lives. At times, it can be challenging to appreciate everyone’s unique beauty. Deana Keller La Rosa
33. Family means hugging and supporting each other. The word “family” brings to mind a group of people who love, care for, support one another. Unknown
34. We all have different views on how we should live our lives but nothing comes before your loved ones – they’re always by your side as long as you need them. Unknown
35. You are not blood; you’re family. As long as we respect and support each other, our bond will never be broken. Unknown
36. When two families combine, they create a new definition of love. Unknown
37. Becoming a blended family means mixing, mingling, scrambling, and sometimes muddling our way through delicate family issues, complicated relationships, and individual differences, hurts, and fears. But through it all, we are learning to love like a family. Tom Frydenger
38. The first key to balancing your busy life and creating a peaceful environment for your blended family to thrive in, lies in defining your family values—first as a couple, then as a family. Kellye Laughery
39. There is no such thing as a ‘broken family.’ Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, or adoption documents. C JoyBell
40. Family is family, whether it’s the one you start out with, the one you end up with, or the family you gain along the way. Unknown
41. Families are the compass that guides us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter. Brad Henry
42. Behind a lot of great kids is a stepparent who stepped up, stepped in, and gave a sh*t. Unknown
43. DNA doesn’t make a family—love does. Unknown
44. Any man can make a child, but it takes a special man to help raise a child. Tony Gaskins
45. Blood doesn’t always make a parent; being a parent comes from the heart. Unknown
46. Don’t worry if you’re not an instant, happily-ever-after blended family. Expect to endure ‘I give up’ days and rejoice in the ‘I can do this,’ days. It will take work, dedication, an excellent sense of humor, and strong resolve. But hey, since when has any family taken the easy route? Don’t do ‘easy’—do ‘worth it!’ Jessica James
47. Remember why you chose to come together in the first place—the love that you have for your partner. Your partner’s children are an extension of them and this makes them just as important to your happiness. Beth Happiness
48. Live one day at a time (or one moment, if you have to). Blend little by little and celebrate even the smallest breakthrough. Andi Parker-Kimbrough
49. One of the most important lessons our children have learned from divorces is that some things in life can come to an end, but that’s okay because something new is manifested. In our case, it’s a blended family that has respect, love, trust, authenticity, and a sense of fun. Jennifer Kessler
50. Being a stepmom means they grew inside of my heart instead of my tummy. Unknown

We hope some of these blended family quotes resonated with you! The adjustment might be hard, especially for the children, but with proactive parents and some work, it’ll all be worth the effort. You’ll soon see that every member of the blended family will become a strong support for each other. And that’s the beauty of being a family.

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What To Do When Your Stepchildren Disrespect You

By Blended For Life
October 15, 2021

Have you ever watched a movie about blended families? Most of the time there’s a barrier to overcome, but by the end of the movie everyone understands each other and gets along like a house on fire. Often these movies are comedies, which make everything look even more lighthearted and fun. If your stepchildren are disrespectful these movies may have you wondering why you don’t have the same relationship with your stepkids. Maybe instead of being precocious and sassy like the kids in the movies, they behave as though they don’t like you, or even disrespect you. But let’s be clear, these storylines are not the reality of most families.

Adjusting to a new family takes time and effort, both for the stepparent and the stepchildren. If you want to improve the relationship between yourself and your stepkids (or your partner and your kids) don’t worry, we’ve got some tips on how to inject some blended family comedy goodness into your home life.

If your stepchildren are disrespecting you

Disrespect in a family is not acceptable, blended or otherwise. No one can or should be forced into a relationship they’re not ready for, but it should be clear to all family members that respect is a basic right.

1. Get the rules straight at the start

Start as you mean to go on! Although you can’t force your stepchild to love or even like you immediately, you can require a certain level of respect. This means you and your partner have to lay down the rules right from the start so that your stepchild knows what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. You should be clear that you will also respect them and their boundaries.

2. Be firm about disrespectful behavior

Once you lay the ground rules, you and your partner should be firm in enforcing them. It’s no use if you make the rules but you don’t enforce them, because then your stepchild will see that you’re not serious. Being consistent is the best thing you can do for the family. Your partner plays an important role here and should back you up if your stepchildren are disrespectful to you.

3. Get to know your stepchild

It’s crucial that you get to know your stepchild. As you get to know them, you’ll get a deeper understanding of the emotions they are going through. If there are situations that consistently cause them to behave disrespectfully or act out against you, getting to know them better may help you get to the bottom of this.

4. Don’t try too much too soon

Don’t try to rush the relationship. Wherever you are on your journey to know each other better, try to enjoy the process instead of always trying to push ahead to the next stage. Your stepchild has been through a lot and will need time to adjust to the marriage, and learn to trust you as their stepparent. Some research shows that it can take four to seven years for a stepfamily to function like a biological family.

5. Keep talking to your spouse

You and your spouse should be a team in navigating this relationship. Your stepkids will look to them especially and if their parent doesn’t call them out on their behavior they may feel like it’s acceptable. Talk to your spouse about what’s happening, what you’re feeling, and what you’re going through. Discuss what’s working and what’s not and from there you’ll be able to face these challenges together.

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Should Blended Families Take Separate Vacations?

By Blended For Life
October 8, 2021

Separate or joint—which is the best type of vacation for a blended family? When it comes to vacations, opinions can be divided on whether blended families should take separate vacations or joint vacations.

So should blended families take separate vacations?

It’s a tricky question; it might seem easier to split into your familiar, comfortable groups, but a vacation can be a great way to bond and spend some really fun time together.

Benefits of a joint vacation for blended families

Children get to spend more time with each other
Children get the opportunity to know their stepparent
It gives the whole family opportunities to enjoy new experiences together
Being outside their home environment allows everyone to see their new family members in a different light
It allows the family to create new memories together

Overall, there are far more benefits to a joint vacation. A split vacation will give everyone the feeling that although the family lives together, they do not have the same status. It reinforces the ‘yours/mine’ distinction and may create resentment between stepsiblings.

Benefits of a separate vacation for blended families

The children (and adults!) might find it easier to relax with their biological family
There are fewer disagreements since there are fewer people involved
Can be more affordable

There may be times when a separate vacation is necessary, such as scheduling issues, different interests, financial considerations, or age differences. We’ve heard that separate vacations sometimes work best if the stepparent can also join the holiday—perhaps while their children are with their previous spouse. This avoids the ‘yours/mine’ feeling, even if not everyone in the family is on the holiday. Of course, you’ll know what works best for your family; just make sure the idea of a separate vacation is genuinely embraced by everyone involved.

Planning for blended family vacations

A joint vacation for a blended family will not be without its stresses (although don’t forget, the same often goes for traditional family vacations too!), but planning will help. Here’s our step-by-step guide to a successful blended family vacation.

Vacation Budget

Decide on the budget of the vacation with your spouse before discussing ideas with the kids. This should include a total budget, plus a breakdown of what you expect to spend on accommodation, dining, and any spending money.

Vacation destination

This is possibly the trickiest step!. Going with the preferences of any one family member or child can make the others disgruntled. The easiest option is that you and your spouse agree on a destination and inform the kids. Simple! But if you want to involve the family in the decision, here are some of our suggestions for making this part as painless as possible.

Ask everyone for their favorite vacation spot and why they want to vacation in that spot. Every suggestion is valid and important, listen to all their suggestions carefully.
List out all the venues that are within your budget. Venues outside the budget will have to wait for another day.
If you are planning a vacation every year then you can rotate the list. Each holiday you can vacation at one family member’s favorite spot.
If you are not planning another vacation for some time then you can decide the venue by doing a lucky draw and pick one at random from the list of appropriate suggestions.

Whatever you do keep the venue selection process logical. Avoid any bias and don’t succumb to any emotional blackmail.

Preparing the kids for the vacation

It will probably be necessary to prepare your children for the first blended family vacation. Emphasize the fact that since you are now a family, your vacations are going to be together. If the children have separate bedrooms at home but you expect them to share a room with their stepsiblings, inform them in advance. If there will be an opportunity for separate outings for parts of the family (such as the biological families) then raise this before you go.

Flexibility on vacation

It is not necessary that the blended family spends every minute of their vacation together. Enforced time together is not the measure of a successful vacation. Perhaps the children will go off together while the adults relax, or the older kids will go hiking while the younger ones swim. Don’t schedule things too much, allow for some flexibility, and give the kids some space to have input and take the lead when it comes to activities.

Enjoying your blended family vacation

So should blended families take separate vacations? Planning a blended family vacation can seem tough but the benefits are worth it, and it should become easier each time. Don’t let concerns or fears prevent you from taking a chance on a holiday together— you likely have a wonderful experience waiting for you. Traveling and letting go of your daily routine will, and creating brand new memories together is a great way to forge new and stronger bonds. When you return ask children what they liked most about the trip, their answers might surprise you. (And if they are ungracious, don’t take it to heart; what may seem like a problem for them today may turn into a funny memory some years down the line.) Lastly, frame some vacation photos as a reminder of good times spent together—and start planning for your next vacation, it’ll be even better!

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10 TV Shows About Blended Families

By Blended For Life
October 3, 2021

TV shows about blended families or single-parent families aren’t as rare as they used to be. And while we all enjoy a bit of escapism, sometimes it feels really validating to see a version of your life played out on screen (even if most of them are highly unrealistic). Here are some of our top picks for TV shows about blended families.

The Brady Bunch

The original, if not the best, and certainly the most famous blended family. A widowed mom and her three daughters and a widower dad and his three sons join together to become the ultimate blended family with the help of housekeeper Alice. A lesson is learned in each episode.

Full House (and Fuller House)

A widower’s two brothers move in to help him raise his three children. Bob Saget and John Stamos were especially great in this sitcom, which also offered a life lesson in each episode. In the new version, the kids are all grown up, and the eldest daughter DJ is now a widow with three kids. She returns to her family home to live with her sister and best friend; heartwarming moments and hilarity ensue in both versions.

Modern Family

Modern Family features a blended family, a gay married couple, and a nuclear family, all as dysfunctional and loving as each other. Despite the comedy nature of the show, Modern Family addresses real issues and offers insight into the struggles faced by all families, regardless of how they’re formed. Plenty of laughs to be had!

Duchess

Single mom Katherine is raising her daughter in London, and offending almost everyone around her at the same time. Having conceived her daughter after a one-night stand with a member of a boyband, she is now ready for another child and spends much of the first season trying to pressure her daughter’s father into getting her pregnant again–despite the fact that they despise each other. This series is far from realistic, but silly and fun. (But NOT one to watch with the kids, there’s plenty of swearing and sex!)

Single Parents

Featuring (unsurprisingly) a group of single parents as they navigate parenting, work, dating, and life in general. This was canceled after two seasons but received positive reviews for its depiction of life as a single parent. It’s also worth watching to see Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester on screen again.

Drake and Josh

This one focuses on the relationship between two very different stepbrothers. One is cool and popular, the other is smart but awkward. A funny and endearing take on teen problems as the boys navigate life in a blended family. A good one for younger kids to watch.

Step by Step

An oldie but a goodie, this ran through most of the 90’s so it’s dated but worth a watch. A divorced man and a widowed woman, each with three children, come together to create a blended family (sound familiar?). There are plenty of arguments and resentments within the family, but they grow to become a loyal and loving family.

Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce

Abby is a successful self-help author who turns to her friends for support as her impending divorce threatens to derail her career. Abby has been the main breadwinner in the relationship and we see her struggle with co-parenting, child support payments, and her ex-husband’s new partner playing a part in her children’s lives. The struggles are realistic (even if everyone is unnaturally beautiful and wealthy) and relatable. Later on in the series, we also see Abby struggle to deal with the ex-wife of her new partner as Abby develops a relationship with his kids.

The Fosters

Stef and Lina are an interracial, lesbian married couple with five children. Brandon is Stef’s son from her previous marriage, and the couple have adopted twins together. They also foster two other children who they go on to adopt later in the series. The premise alone tells you that this show is going to be exploring all the possible dynamics of blended families. Jennifer Lopez was an executive producer for The Fosters, so it has JLo’s stamp of approval!

Sister, Sister

Featuring Tia and Tamera Mowry, Sister, Sister is about identical twins separated at birth and reunited as teenagers. It sounds like Parent Trap, but with a more tragic back story. The girls are adopted out separately at birth, and meet by chance in a shopping mall. The two girls and their parents end up living together in a blended family of sorts, although their adoptive parents are not in a relationship.

You may not see yourself and your family depicted accurately on-screen, but it’s comforting to see the struggles, the joys, and the ups and downs of blended families play out on TV. Let us know if you have any other favorite TV shows about blended families to recommend!

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Why Are Blended Families Increasing?

By Blended For Life
September 24, 2021

Are families changing? Are blended families increasing? We don’t eat, sleep, or work in the same way that we did a hundred years ago (or even a few decades ago!), so it is only natural that the family structure will change over time. The idea of the nuclear family has evolved to become something more diverse, inclusive, and variable.

Blended families are more common than ever— it is estimated the 1 in 3 Americans is part of a blended family. This indicates a steady rise in the number of stepfamilies in society. But why are blended families really increasing?

What are the statistics of blended families?

Data from the 2002 Current Population Survey (CPS) shows that the traditional breadwinner-homemaker family represented only 7% of all U.S. households. This means that the conventional roles of stay-at-home mothers and sole-breadwinner fathers are largely a thing of the past. Women are no longer forced to stay in unhappy marriages due to financial dependence on their husbands, and it is estimated that one out of two first marriages ends in divorce. More people are opting to cohabitate before or instead of marriage, and many of these couples also have children. Over 75% of divorced individuals remarry, leading to more blended families.

Read More: What are Blended Families?

Are blended families the new norm?

It is estimated that 2,100 new stepfamilies are formed every day in the U.S., and that 42% of Americans have at least one immediate step-relative.

Statistics show that second or subsequent marriages have higher success rates than first marriages. It is also true that blended families generally have more challenges to overcome. And families that are more successful in overcoming the initial disagreements are more likely to survive.

In couples with children, a common cause for divorce is disagreements over childcare or parenting. In this case, remarriages into a blended family provide more control over parenting. Younger children are able to adjust to blended families more quickly and easily than older, more mature children. Partners may also be fleeing abusive or negligent behavior.

Blended families are on the rise due to the increasing divorce and separation rates, as well as the declining importance of marriage. Blended families can provide a haven of companionship, stability, and a second chance at love for many individuals.

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Living together

Feel Like an Outsider in Your Family?

By Blended For Life
September 24, 2021

It can be tough getting stuck in the role of observer, where you feel like an outsider in your family. Do you struggle to build a rapport with your stepkids? Or feel left out of traditions that were established before you were part of the family?

The ‘stuck outsider’ role for a stepparent

In a biological family, children go through phases of preferring one parent over the other. This can be tricky to navigate, but generally, both biological parents experience being the insider (the preferred parent) and the outsider. In stepfamilies, stepparents often get stuck in the outsider role, with the biological parent being stuck in the insider role. You and your partner may both struggle with this dynamic.

Try not to let this feeling of being an outsider overwhelm you or affect your relationships. It will take time to develop trust and intimacy with your partner’s children. If the kids are more comfortable cuddling with their biological parents, it does not necessarily mean they do not like you. Put yourself in their shoes: would you be comfortable in such close proximity to someone new? Most likely not.

How to feel less like an outsider with your step-family

Luckily, there are some simple steps that will help you to feel more at home with your new family.

1. Make time for your marriage

Remind yourself how much your partner loves and accepts you, even if their children don’t yet. You married this person, accepted their family, and it is not wrong for you to celebrate your lives together.

Make a big deal about your anniversary, schedule date nights or a romantic vacation, or anything else that makes you feel more loved and at home. If anyone makes you feel as if you are throwing your happiness in their face, stop and reflect on why they would feel that way. You deserve to celebrate your love, regardless of what others think.

By making time for your marriage, you are creating a deeper connection with your spouse. This can help you feel more at home and shows your partner’s kids that their parent has faith in you, which means they are more likely to trust you as well.

2. Change things around the house

When you enter the house your spouse shares with their kids, you are entering a home you played no part in making. You’ll feel more at home if you play a part in decorating the house but proceed with caution. You may want to start with the master bedroom (a space that doesn’t impact the children) or something small like a new rug.

Here are some small changes to consider:

Changing cushion covers
Putting up artwork
Rearranging some furniture

Avoid touching the children’s personal spaces (such as their bedrooms) or making any big changes without discussing it with the family first. The kids may have attachments to things that you are unaware of. If they’re interested, involving them in the process of redecorating could be a good bonding activity and help create some neutral spaces in the home.

Doing some chores around the house can also make you feel more at home. Try putting together a shopping list or doing the grocery run with the kids. This will allow you to get a sense of their likes and dislikes as well, which can benefit you in the long run.

3. If you feel like an outsider, enlist your partner’s help

If you don’t have any kids of your own, there is one thing you must keep reminding yourself: you are living in a stepfamily, but your partner is not. They may not realize how you are feeling or what difficulties you are facing.

This is not due to ignorance or a lack of wanting to understand. Your spouse does not know what it’s like to feel like a third wheel at family events. They haven’t had to make their own space in an existing family dynamic.

The best thing you can do is to communicate how you are feeling. It’s important to address your concerns instead of bottling them up; if you let them fester you may start to resent your partner for not recognizing how you’re feeling. Your partner may respond by facilitating activities to help you feel more included in family events. If your partner makes a point of initiating the events, it will help take the pressure and focus of you.

4. Don’t try to be a biological parent

When you marry someone who already has a family, you do not replace anyone. Your stepchildren already have a mother or father, and if you try to take over completely, they will start resenting you. Additionally, if the biological parent is still in the picture, they may be uncomfortable with your actions.

Instead, make sure your stepchildren understand that you are a new addition, not a replacement. You want to establish your own place in their lives, not take anyone else’s place.

5. Develop new traditions

All families have traditions. You may have had some with your family growing up, and chances are, your partner and stepchildren probably have some too, which you may or may not be privy to. You should never ask them to stop their traditions. Rather, you should create your own new traditions with them.

Here are a few fun traditions to consider

Making gingerbread houses for Christmas
Weekly movie nights
Weekly game nights
Baking together on the weekends
Daily bedtime stories
Friday night pizza parties

Encourage your partner to take part in these traditions too, so that you and your stepchildren can start to feel more like a family. You can ask if your stepchildren want to do one of the activities listed above so they feel more in control.

6. Connect with your own friends and family

If you’re finding family life tough, it’s a good idea to immerse yourself in your own support system. Spend time with close friends or your own family members. This will give you some space, and help remind you that you are your own person, and also give the kids some space from you.

It is a good idea to introduce your loved ones to your stepchildren as soon as possible. It shows them that they are important to you, and also that you are here for the long haul and are going to be a part of their lives.

You can avoid feeling like an outsider in your own home

There is a lot that you can do to feel less like an outsider in your own home. Remind yourself constantly that this is not about things being anyone’s ‘fault’. Transitions of any kind come with some challenges and a need to think differently for a while; be kind and consider everyone’s feelings, including your own.

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Integrating families Living together

Should a Stepparent Discipline Their Partner’s Kids?

By Blended For Life
September 17, 2021

Does a stepparent have a right to discipline their stepchildren? It’s a tricky path to navigate, and almost certainly there’ll be missteps along the way. After all, being a stepparent is undeniably challenging, but with time and effort, it can be equally rewarding and joyful. Understanding the role you are to play in establishing and reinforcing boundaries for your stepchildren is crucial. We discuss some of the dos and don’ts of stepparent discipline.

Discuss your stepparent role with your partner

Before you jump in the deep end of parenting, discuss your role with your partner. Find out what their expectations are from you, and be honest about what you think you’re capable of. This may evolve over time, but it’s crucial you’re both on the same page. Once you both agree on how involved you’ll be in setting and maintaining boundaries you can have a family meeting to share with the children. The more communication, the better!

There’s no doubt you’ll probably hear the words, “You’re not my real mom/dad!” thrown your way at some point. Try to calmly explain that you’re not trying to take the place of their bio-parent, but that you do have their best interests at heart. It may not defuse the situation but it will help you both remember the role you play in their life.

Is it okay for stepparents to discipline?

The most important thing is that the whole family understands what’s expected of them. If you and your partner agree that curfew is 8 pm and that the consequence of breaking curfew is no devices (and your partner’s teen knows this rule), you should feel confident enforcing it. It’s not new information, the rule wasn’t created by you, you are simply being a responsible guardian. Be fair, be consistent, and above all, be patient.

You should have a very good understanding of how your partner chooses to parent and respect their choices. If they have chosen the respectful parenting path and you feel their children need more discipline, this is NOT your choice to make. If they are strict about screen time and ‘junk food’ and you think the kids should have more freedom to watch and eat what they want, this is NOT your choice to make. As a stepparent, you are in a position to help discipline your stepkids in line with the parenting choices your partner has deemed best.*

*This does not apply in situations where discipline has become child abuse. If you are concerned about your partner’s treatment of your children or stepchildren you should reach out to a child abuse prevention service.

Stepparent Discipline vs Punishment

Over the years, discipline has been conflated with punishment. There is an idea that children need to be ‘disciplined’ in order to learn how to behave well. It may come as no surprise that we at Blended for Life are big fans of respectful parenting. What this means is that we are constantly having an open dialogue with our kids, helping them learn, role-modeling the behavior we want to see, and setting and gently enforcing healthy boundaries.

There’s no need to fall into the role of disciplinarian. You might find that you stepparent most effectively simply by role-modeling being a thoughtful and caring person. You might become the ‘fun one’, more like a cool aunt/uncle than a replacement parent. Or maybe you are the boundary setter, calmly reminding the kids when they have pushed things too far, and being a safe place for them to retreat to.

This is not a “first-marriage” family

Both parents should come to terms with the fact that “ours is a blended family”. The functioning of the family unit differs from a family where the children live with their biological parents. Try not to idealize how a blended family “should be” or mimic a traditional family dynamic. It’s an unrealistic expectation and will make life harder for everyone involved.

So should a stepparent discipline their stepchildren?

Understand what you mean by discipline
Agree with your partner on your role as a stepparent
Be consistent and be patient

A personal story from our founder

“My daughter refers to her bio-dad as ‘Daddy and her step-dad (my husband) as ‘Papa’. Papa is a little bit of a clean freak, and he can always be seen wiping up someone’s mess or complaining about someone’s mess!

One day, after dinner, my daughter got up and put her plate in the sink. She then proceeded to wipe her placemat and even the chair on which she sat (because her greasy fingers have been all over it!). I asked why she started doing that. And she said, ‘Because Papa does.’”

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