Marriage is something that people enter, intending to last a lifetime and as a sign of their commitment and love to their partner. How To Avoid Another Failed Marriage? As statics would have it, the percentage of failed second and subsequent marriages is higher than expected. The idea of going through another divorce is devastating, and it, therefore, is vital to explore possible ways to avoid it.
There are numerous reasons why second, third, and subsequent marriages fail. As you prepare for remarriage, or if you are in one, take note of these stumbling blocks and keep in mind that with the right attitude, patience, love, communication, and hard work, it can work.
Things that cause the failure of second marriages
Past relationship baggage
Going into a new marriage without complete healing and ready for a fresh start may make it a problematic marriage to sustain. Do not carry pain and emotional garbage from your previous relationship into the marriage.
With raw wounds deep down, you may find it challenging to connect and open your heart to new love. Being vulnerable can remind you of the emotional pain from your previous divorce. Getting intimate may scare you in fear of giving your all and getting hurt again.
A positive attitude and optimism go a long way in shunning the thought of always expecting the worst and being apprehensive of your new marriage.
With that said, ensure both you and your partner are ready for a fresh start and are emotionally healed. With your past behind you, connecting and blossoming in your new marriage will be an easy thing to do.
Children are a blessing and the glue that hold together the family in first marriages. In the second and subsequent marriages, however, stepchildren in most cases are the divisive factor. Bringing children from a previous marriage makes the subsequent one more complicated.
Some may harbor resentment for the new parent and may intentionally cause things to be difficult for your marriage to work. They often are unwelcoming to new step-parents or siblings, grieving for the loss of their other family.
Step-parents may be unable to discipline their step-kids, and dealing with them can be frustrating. To avoid children becoming the dissolving factor of your marriage, support each other regarding managing and being responsible for each other’s kids.
To run your blended family smoothly, it takes good communication, patience, and time.
Your divorce does not mean that your relationship with your ex is completely over, especially where children are involved. Occasional communication and connection to your ex could cause insecurity issues to your new spouse.
Create boundaries while interacting with your ex and communicate with your new spouse to avoid a feeling of disloyalty from your side.
Obtaining divorce for some couples may span years. Some bitter exes on learning of your new marriage may also try to sabotage it by bringing you back to the court even after the divorce is final. Such stunts add financial and emotional tension to the new marriage, potentially causing a divorce.
Attending to your litigation needs is just as important as managing it to ensure your spouse does not feel anxious.
It is advisable to communicate effectively to avoid assumptions and misinformation that may cause a strain on the relationship.
The conversation around money is sensitive, and many couples tend to sweep it under the rag. Money is among the main problems that plague not only first marriages but even subsequent ones.
For example, where kids are involved, the issue of spousal maintenance and child support may cause issues to your marriage if not well laid out.
If one spouse has more assets in the new marriage, disputes may begin, for example, if their kids are pampered more than those of the other spouse.
Despite the money conversation being a difficult one to have, it should be discussed. Have an honest conversation with your spouse to establish some financial rules that work for your marriage, and you’ll need not call your lawyer.
Family matters and inlaws
Your own extended family and inlaws can be a handful sometimes. A blended family where you both have kids from previous relationships can get toxic. You have your exes family side and the current spouse family.
Figuring out the dynamics, for example, during thanksgiving and holidays may be hard to figure out. Some family members and inlaws may also feel entitled and not warm up to welcome either of the spouses to join the family.
While two different families come together due to your union, cultivate a culture where you deal with issues head-on. Be patient and communicative, and yours will be a success story!
Familiarity to divorce
Most couples find it easier to call it quits in their second or subsequent marriages as there is no fear of the unknown as was in the first marriage.
They become less willing to forgive or work on their issues and more willing to divorce since they have been through it before.
Tips for a successful second marriage
Marriage and new love is a beautiful thing. Nonetheless, it has its ups and downs and can never be a smooth ride. The tips below will help you skew the statistics and change the narrative.
Communication is a strong pillar for a successful relationship or marriage. Learn to seek clarification from your spouse on unclear issues. Take responsibility for your actions during an argument and avoid blame games.
Proper communication demystifies issues in your marriage, setting it up for success.
Just being yourself in your marriage and maintain a separate life from your spouse will make it happier. Continue to pursue your interests and passions. Keep your social life alive and maintain your hobbies even if they are dissimilar to your spouses.
Do not lose yourself in your spouses’ desires and interests, and take time to love yourself too. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
It’s the little things that make all the difference. Express to your partner what you cherish about them when you can. It only makes the bond stronger.
Remember to use courtesy words such as thankyou if you catch your partner doing the right thing. For example, “Thank you for taking out the trash. I appreciate you.”
Have confidence in being completely honest and open with your partner. Discussing and seeking their opinion on small matters will prepare you well to tackle more significant issues.
For example, involving your spouse while preparing your home meal plan will eventually make it easier for you to discuss financial management issues if they arise.
Have realistic expectations
High expectations are great, but they could also lead to a big disappointment. Your marriage will be strenuous if your expectations do not align with those of your spouse.
While getting into the marriage, have a candid talk with your spouse about what you expect of each other regarding financial responsibility, your various roles in the union, and your love languages.
Make known what you expect of each other as a couple in dealing with issues that may arise while you are married
Awareness on blending families
Bringing two families together to become one is a lot of work. Besides making the marriage work, you have to ensure the children are happy and safe.
Make firm decisions about dealing with children’s discipline to ensure everyone has a cordial and respectful relationship with each other. Discover a way to bond the kids for example, via games and activities.
It is crucial to have a structure in place on co-parenting with your exes, the children’s other parent. It takes patience to blend families, give your family the time to adjust.
A successful marriage requires you to put in the work. As a couple, stay committed to doing the things you enjoy together without the children. For example, go on date nights or take a walk together.
Discuss the burning issues
Express your feelings, thoughts, and wishes in a respectful and timely manner to address personal issues instead of rubbing them off and building resentment. It serves as a good example to the children and stepchildren on problem-solving.
You may have been divorced once, but you can choose for history not to repeat itself.
Second and subsequent successful marriages are not an exemption. Establish all the drawbacks that could potentially destroy your marriage and consciously put effort into putting them in order.
Maintain a positive mentality, a unified front with your partner, and create a beautiful story instead of becoming a statistic.